Hi. It’s me. The girl who started a blog. The girl who’s first post was about how to stick with something. Then went silent for 5 months.
Yep, that’s me.
The truth is, I stopped writing because life got hard. And I don’t mean hard as in I got too busy, or too stressed, or too lazy. I mean it got hard enough to where I wasn’t sure how to even process it. I tend to write based on my own experiences and lessons learned along the way. I look internally and then blast it off into the world once I’ve on reflected enough to share. That’s how I work. I’m generally an open book.
But something happened and I couldn’t share it. I could only hold it close and take it in. Moment by moment and breath by breath. I also realized that my personal experiences aren’t always for the world to know. Sometimes there are moments that we hold close, and lock it safely away, only for us to know.
I believe there’s beauty in that.
Truly, life got hard for everyone. The world has been crying. We’ve made life changes that we never imagined. There are loved ones alone in the hospital. There are families struggling to make ends meet. There are people who have been murdered with no justice to follow. There is a continuous fight.
It felt wrong and insensitive to post on my blog about how I’ve struggled. I felt the weight of the world’s sorrow and the fire in their anger and could not make it about me.
If I were to take my own advice, I would place zero guilt in the fact that I paused on something I set out to continue. No guilt. No regrets. Just pressing forward from this moment on.
Things get hard, painful, confusing, awful, heartbreaking, heavy, and cloudy. It’s not always clear. There’s not always an answer. It takes time.
If we are kind to ourselves and give ourselves the grace we need when things get hard, I believe we are better off for it. The public self that we put forward, our image, our social presence will never be as important as how you feel when you turn out the lights and lay down for the night. The way you feel when the silence sets in.
Internal strength and growth are not always meant to be outwardly facing. Sometimes it needs to stay awhile. Like holding onto a hug just a moment longer, because the feeling needs to last before letting it go and moving on to the next thing.
In our most uncomfortable moments, there is a tiny promise that we will emerge stronger from it. But it takes time. Focus inward, pause, take it in until it becomes completely clear. And then when you are ready, go forward with your newfound strength.